her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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