Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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