do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize