I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
