You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i will never coherently bang her
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
