You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
