I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
