i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
