So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
