i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
