hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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