I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
