how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
