Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
