so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
