My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
