cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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