Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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