She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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