i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
