Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
