My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
