and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
