You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
