How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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