So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
