U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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