So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize