my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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