Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
