I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize