yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
