Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That's intense
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
