Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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