dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
