Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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