Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
