cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
