you have to choose: penises or morals?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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