Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
