Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it hurts more in the daytime
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
