fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
