Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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