our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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