Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
