Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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