but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
