I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
