I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
