I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
