Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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