We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
