yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
