There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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