First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
