you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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