he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
