but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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