Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
