It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
