i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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