There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
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