69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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