He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize