Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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