wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
