I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
