When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
