is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
