so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
