No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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