Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
